I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
