I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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