I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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