Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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