I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
