just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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