I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You work out of a Hotel?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
