If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
