We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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