Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
