they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
