please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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