You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
