I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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