sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
