Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
