this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just pee around me
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
