I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
