Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
