If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
