The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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