I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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