Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
