My room smells like vodka and shame
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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