So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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