too bad you live with your parents still
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We're using joints as your birthday candles
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
