who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
