I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
