Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
