i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
