I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
