Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you win again, gameday.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
