My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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