i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
