Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
