I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
