What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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