So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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