If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
