I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
