I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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