Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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