I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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