No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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