Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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