Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
