I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
