My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
