Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
