You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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