Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
These tits shall not be calmed
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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